I have put some thought into putting together a blog for some time now about my family's experience raising a child on the autism spectrum. So many things come to mind on a daily basis of things we come across that so many people in similar positions must also be dealing. Our child is only 4 but I feel we have had enough highs and lows with his autism, many more highs than lows I would add. Therefore, I thought maybe it would be a good thing to put our experience out there to show others that they are not along in their thoughts, feelings and experiences. I couldn't think of a better day to start it than World Autism Awareness day.
As a matter of background, I am the proud father of a four year old boy, Charlie, who happens to be on the autism spectrum. I am also the proud father of a two year old little girl, Keller, who from all signs so far appears to be a normally developing ball of sass and I am the proud husband to my wife Caroline.
From what we can tell at this point, Charlie is on the higher functioning end of the spectrum. He has some language delay but he is fully verbal with a large vocabulary. Most of his issues, if issues is the right word, are sensory issues dealing with his ability to get a sense of satisfaction. This leads to symptoms similar to what I would consider hyperactivity and trouble concentrating on assigned tasks. If anything, Charlie is too outgoing and too excited to try new things, meet new people, and interact with his friends. What this means is that a lot of times, Charlie is not the best at sitting calmly in a group setting. It also means that Charlie will get right in his friends faces to get their attention, will call out answers in a group session when it is not turn, and will touch his friends in a non-aggressive manner to make sure he gets their attention.
I understand that my child's personality traits can be frustrating for a teacher who is otherwise trying to manage a room full of 3 and 4 year old children. And, I understand all teachers in the preschool realm, especially in private settings, do not have experience with the world of autism. But, I don't think expressing the frustration with the children or the children's parents is the right way to deal with it. Rather, I think its time that people in these position's start learning about these and other traits of autistic children and learning how to manage the traits in a school setting. More times than I would rather remember, I have asked Charlie's teacher how he has been in class or some other group setting and rather than hear that he had a good day, I have heard statements like "He just won't stop touching so and so" or "He just won't sit still in group time." Or we have heard "Just tell us what we need to do with him" in a frustrated tone. I have wanted to respond, "Sure, its easy just do this, this, and this and he will act like a perfect angel." Unfortunately it doesn't work that way and there is not an easy or automatic fix. Instead, its a process, and admittedly, a sometime frustrating process to try to get Charlie to understand what is appropriate behavior and what is not appropriate behavior. But, you know what, its not Charlie's fault its a frustrating process. And, as Charlie's parents, its not our fault that it is a frustrating process. Instead, its just something we have in our life so its something we need to work with.
Alas, we have been fortunate because Charlie is now in a setting where his teacher has not only the magic touch with Charlie, but also the magic touch with us as Charlie's parents. Since moving to his current pre-school, Charlie's teacher, Sarah Althoff, has never made us feel that Charlie is a burden on her or her classroom. Everyday when we drop Charlie off, we are met with a smile and excitement to see Charlie. Everyday when we pick Charlie up, Charlie is excited to come out and we are told the positives of his day as well as the negatives of his day but, again, it is always done with a smile and without making us feel like he is a burden in any way. Having had some experiences we have had in the past, its amazing what a difference this makes in our life.
We are lucky to have found such a wonderful setting for our child and for us. Unfortunately all families aren't as fortunate. That can change though. Through all of our frustrations, I do not think for one minute we have been in a position where the teachers we have dealt with wanted to intentionally make us feel bad or wanted to be rid of Charlie. Instead, they just wanted to understand. So whats the solution? Its a little education and a little patience. Sounds doable to me. Its certainly worked in our case.
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