I was driving to Raleigh for a hearing yesterday afternoon and listening to Sports Radio as I typically do. The show I was listening to started talking about two stories from the sports world that the host called Chicken Soup for the Sports Soul.
The first story had to do with Tiger Woods writing a personal letter to a 14 year old boy, yes 14 year old boy, with a stuttering problem who had attempted suicide because of the bullying that he had suffered from classmates. That story is here.
The second story had to do with Roy Williams, UNC basketball coach, who similarly wrote a personal letter to a boy with Asperger's syndrome who had also been bullied by his classmates. With respect to this 11 year old boy, yes 11 year old boy, the bullying he endured included threats via social media and culminated in an attack at his school cafeteria that resulted in a concussion and hospitalization. That story is here.
The host went on to applaud Tiger Woods and Roy Williams. I agree that Tiger and Roy should be should be commended for their acts in making a difference for these families that are undoubtedly going through some of the most difficult of times.
I did not take these two stories as "Chicken Soup for the Sports Soul." In fairness to the host, he prefaced the stories by saying if his kids were ever involved in any of the bad activities there would be big problems in his house.and he went on to say that behavior like that of these kids is completely unacceptable and is the lowest of the low
What the two stories left me with was the burning question, "Is this what Charlie is going to have to go through as he makes his way through elementary school, middle school, and high school?" As part of that question, I asked myself, "Have kids really gotten to the point where they behave this poorly?" The answer to that is apparently unfortunately "Yes" so that leads to the questions "Why on earth are parents letting their kids act in this way towards others?" and "What do we do to put an end to this behavior?"
As appalled as I am to hear about these stories, I think the emotion that I have more in hearing the stories is fear. Charlie continues to make progress and we hope will continue to even make more progress, but, truth be told, he is most likely going to at least be a little bit different than other kids. Caroline and I love those differences and we cherish and will always cherish Charlie for what he is. But, I am enough of a realist to realize when hearing these stories that other kids aren't always going to value and understand those differences as much as Caroline and I will. Its more likely than not that at some point in our future that those differences are going to lead to Charlie being bullied in some shape or form. I'd love to be wrong on that, but I fear it won't be the case. And that is why when I heard the story about Drew Summerlin described above as I was driving to Raleigh, my stomach just dropped and I thought, "Something needs to change. I don't want to live in a world where there is even a chance Charlie has to go through something like Drew."
Apparently, bullying has hit a whole new level with the advent of the Internet. The stories we read about what kids write online about other kids is down right disgusting. Moreover, the fact that bullying is turning more and more physically aggressive is equally as disgusting and leads me to have even more fear.
And that takes me back to the question of "How Do We Stop Bullying?" Seems to me the first step in the equation is for parents to know what their kids are doing and how they are acting. I know that we as parents and adults have a lot of stuff on our every day plates. However, there is nothing more important on those plates than our relationships with our children. As parents we should be asking our kids about their days in an open and honest manner with true care about what their answers are to our questions. As parents we should be directing our children into healthy and good relationships with all of their classmates no matter those classmates race, religion, financial status, or abilities. As parents we should be stressing to our kids that they should include all of their classmates and make sure everyone feels welcome at school and gets the most out of school. As parents we should be ready, willing, and able to reprimand our kids in a fair and healthy manner which will put them back on track when they undertake behavior that is not acceptable. As parents we should strive to make our kids understand that they should be the kids that we wish that we were when we look back on our childhood. As parents we should be showing our kids that we care about them not just because they are our kids but also because they are people and as people we should care about all other people.
I can only think that the kids who are undertaking this repulsive bullying are at least doing so in part because they are trying to grab their parents attention. Certainly any parent who is paying proper attention to their child would never allow their child to knowingly act in this manner. If they are, there is a fine place in hell for them and they have no business raising children.
As a second step, I think we need to call on our teachers and school administrators to continue to be involved in the fight against bullying and to place social learning at a higher place on the educational pedestal than it currently resides. I bet most bullying starts at school. When I hear the stories like those above I can't help but wonder how did a situation occur in a school where a boy was concussed in the cafeteria and teachers could not stop it. How did teachers not know this behavior was going on and how was it not stopped? I understand that our teachers live in a world of underfunded and overcrowded classrooms and they are working hard and doing their best to educate students. I understand that teachers do not in any way endorse this terrible behavior. Teachers are of course their to educate. Part of education is what kids learn in their books. Unfortunately, I think it is that part that has become the sole focus of our schools as teachers are pushed harder and harder to emphasize what academic goals kids must meet. As a result of this focus, the part of education that involves social smarts and teaching children how to interact with their peers is going by the wayside. Without this education, kids are missing another layer of social learning and are missing the message that they should treat all kids, no matter how different, with the dignity and respect that they would like to be treated. Without this education, kids are not learning some of life's most valuable lessons.
These are the two things that came to my mind as I have thought about these two stories a lot since yesterday. I am sure there are other things and I hope those come to mind and that an open and frank discussion is had on the topic of bullying before more kids have to suffer.
I always like to end my blogs on a more positive point so here is today's. I will say that I was blown away by the Top Soccer program that Charlie participated in this spring. Charlie had played U-4 soccer with the typically developing kids this fall but I saw an advertisement for Top Soccer and thought we would try it out. Top Soccer is a local soccer program for kids with special needs. The way the program works is that the kids spend an hour a week with their "buddy" or "buddies" and participate in soccer drills. The "buddies" include normally developing high school and middle school kids. As bad as I felt hearing the two stories above, I felt that much better seeing these kids embracing kids like Charlie and relishing the time spent interacting with them. In fact, Charlie's "buddy" Catroina has even come to a couple of Charlie's U-4 practices because she has such fun playing with him and he has such fun with her. Those experiences showed me that its not all kids that are these bullies. Nope, there are some good ones out there.
No comments:
Post a Comment